I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
