Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
