just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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