A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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