Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
