Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
