im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
