What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
