I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
