That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I had to cum in my sink.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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