Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
