it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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