jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
