rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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