here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
