i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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