turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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