is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
