final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
