He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
