"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
