wanna go halves on a baby?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and she was petting her beer can
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
please don't ironically join a cult
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