I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
