I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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