New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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