They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
