i would punch a child for taco bell
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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