Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
