ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
