This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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