the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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