I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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