It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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