Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't turn off my feet"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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