We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
