i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
