im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
high people should be assigned attendants
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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