it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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