Have you finally orgasmed yet?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
