I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
