he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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