My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
