his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
