I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have fence marks all over my body
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
