Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
