Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
