oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
