about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
