I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
