I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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