There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
