please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
