Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
